just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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