you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
