We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
