I hate your face
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
