Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
