He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The police scanner is talking about you again....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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