i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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