is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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