I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
