currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
