I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
