I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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