i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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