ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
