No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
