I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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