You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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