Don't make out with my wife yet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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