dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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