so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
