no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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