You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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