Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
