Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
