Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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