Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
