Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
