The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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