I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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