I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
