She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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