he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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