My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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