It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
