I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
