Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
