Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm like, not good at living.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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