What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
