saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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