I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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