Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
