Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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