Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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