I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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