No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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