You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
