I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
