i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
