Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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