If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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