I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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