Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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