Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
