Christians are straight up FREAKS
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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