i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
