You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
