I wanna passion pit in your ass
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
