If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
