yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
