I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
