He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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