Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
