Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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