I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
