Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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