hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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