It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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