you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
