dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
