Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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