another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
