She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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