My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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